


The Words We're Yet To Say

by aquwa



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, F/F, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, tags will be added as fic continues, title is a wip too??
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-09-23 23:40:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17089919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aquwa/pseuds/aquwa
Summary: For years, Chisato has worked to bring her acting career to a success. Assuming that she and her longtime friend, Kaoru, are soulmates, her agency flaunts them as a blooming acting couple. But Chisato and Kaoru are yet to find their true soulmates...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Soulmate AU: Introduced in story, but everyone's born with the name of their soulmate on their wrist, invisible until they meet. People can only see the name on their own wrist, and no one else's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An introduction chapter of sorts for a longer fic.

Okay, Chisato-chan, try leaning into Kaoru-kun's embrace a little more, and look up at her face."

The camerawoman smiled encouragingly at her, so Chisato relaxed her muscles and looked at Kaoru lovingly.

Kaoru crossed her eyes playfully.

"Kaoru!" Chisato giggled a bit, breaking away from her pose in Kaoru's arms.

"Aha, I know the point of this magazine cover is to look in love but... a little less flirting and a little more posing would be good!” The camerawoman teased.

Kaoru delicately placed a hand on her chest. “Why, of course! Nothing comes simpler than the act of holding my dearest Chisato, most certainly because to embrace her is not an act, but a natural display of my affection!”

After a pause, the camerawoman nodded, obviously confused, and gestured for them to re-assume the pose. She took picture after picture, throwing out command after command as the two girls posed elegantly in each other’s arms. Chisato’s shiny blonde hair complemented her neatly ironed yellow dress perfectly, and next to Kaoru, in her tall royal blue and purple pantsuit, they looked like princess and prince.

At last, the camerawoman began clapping. “That was absolutely amazing, you two! My first time getting to do a shoot with you two and I already feel like doing more.”

“Thank you so much,” Chisato bowed, pushing Kaoru’s back down to remind her to bow as well, “It’s an honor to have the front cover of this actress magazine.”

“Indeed!” choked out Kaoru as she stood upright again, “To work with you and have such exquisite photos taken is…well, it’s as they say after all!”

Still puzzled by Kaoru’s language, the camerawoman responded, “No, no, thank you for the wonderful experience! I should expect nothing less from this agency’s power couple… but you are soulmates after all!”

With sudden confidence, Chisato grabbed Kaoru’s hand, and strolled towards the door, “Of course! Hopefully we’ll see you again soon!”

The door shut coldly behind them as they walked hand-in-hand to the dressing room.

“Soulmates, huh…” Kaoru murmured, her voice dark and uneasy.

“Not here,” Chisato answered sharply.

When they finally reached the dressing room, Chisato spoke again.

“You can’t say things so carelessly in areas where others might hear us, Kaoru!” she disappeared behind a curtain to change into her own clothes.

“I know, but…”

“You don’t need to think about it too deeply, okay? It’s what I’ve been doing, and it works just fine. Just think about how this is bringing you closer to an agency offer after graduation, and helping me keep my job,” Chisato offered brightly.

“You know how I feel about acting agencies, Chisato-chan…” Kaoru moved mechanically as she took off the makeup.

“I know, but you can’t continue to pretend like you’ll be a raving success without one. You need their support, even if just a little bit,” she insisted.

She came out from behind the curtains in a whirl, messenger bag layered atop a white sweater and brown pleated skirt. She tugged at her beret lightly. She _did_ have a meeting after this, but she felt more compelled to talk to her friend first.

Chisato approached the mirror, but stared at Kaoru rather than her own reflection. She took in the silky purple hair, deep red eyes, and slender figure. Kaoru was beautiful. They’d been best friends since early childhood. Both actresses, though Kaoru certainly had a better love for the stage. _Then why…_ she thought, momentarily glancing at her wrist.

“Have you met them yet?” Kaoru said softly.

“No.”

“Look me in the eyes and say that,” Kaoru whispered sharply and turned to her, chest heaving.

Chisato took a step closer, facing her calmly.

“No.”

“Sorry,” Kaoru murmured, “I believe you. You know that we can’t see each other’s soulmate marks, and I know how important this job is to you… and I know you want the best for me as an actress.”

“If I ever find my soulmate,” Chisato began, taking Kaoru’s hand tightly into her own, “you’ll be the first one to know. And I know you’d do the same for me.”

Kaoru’s eyes flickered with sadness as her hand went limp in Chisato’s.

“And what will we do then? Give all of this up? Become liars to the entire entertainment industry?”

Chisato looked away. “I don’t know… maybe we aren’t destined for them or something.”

“You and I both know 90% of people meet their soulmates in adolescence or young adulthood!” Kaoru raised her voice a bit, wincing at her tone.

Chisato bit her lip and walked to the door, straightening her bag and flattening her sweater a bit before placing her hand on the doorknob.

“Like I said… don’t worry so much,” she turned back and smiled at Kaoru, “and perk up a bit. You’ll kill the whole band if you look down like that.”

Kaoru smiled warmly back, flipping her ponytail over her shoulder and winking, “Any request for a princess such as yourself, dearest Chisato-chan!”

Chisato laughed as she slipped out the door.

 

* * *

 

 

Nervously, Chisato straightened her collar and entered the door to a meeting room in the agency building.

A cute, nervous-looking girl with pink hair sat by the window at the meeting table. She gave a shaky smile and nod to Chisato as she entered.

At the other end of the table was a very calm and beautiful girl with braided white hair. When Chisato entered, she stood and bowed to greet her.

Chisato had seen them both around the agency for sure, as well as at their school, but she couldn’t recall their names either. Quietly, she sat at the table, waiting for the staff members conducting the meeting to begin.

“Hmmm…? Is this where I’m supposed to be?”  A bouncy girl with short blue hair and braids waltzed in just as staff members began to look impatient.

“Yes… Hikawa-san, you’re late, please have a seat so that we may begin,” a staff member replied, and with a skip, she plopped down in a chair near the door.

“Now that everyone is here, we have an announcement. The four of you will be making your idol debut, as the girl group ‘Pastel*Palettes,’” began the staff member before being interrupted by excited chatter from two of the girls.

Chisato got the sense these girls were amateurs. The staff members were happy to answer each question and encourage them regarding their new job, but to her, it was just pointless banter. Didn’t they learn in school to save questions for the end?

Quietly, Chisato tuned out once again. Even as they introduced themselves, she remained distant from the conversation at hand. Something about idols, something about not playing instruments, another thing about lip-syncing.

Aya. Eve. Hina. Three excitable, passionate girls. _Can I really be in an idol group like this…?_ Chisato tossed the question around her head, feeling a tight pain in chest.  She knew she’d have to, as she was bound to the agency after all. But idols were a  different type of public presence, one that—

“Wait. Idols?” Chisato cried out suddenly, “My soulmate status and relationship with Kaoru is endorsed by the agency. Traditionally, idols are those who haven’t found their soulmate or have chosen to hold off romantic interaction with their soulmate…”

Was this it? Would she be forced to cut her fake-romantic ties with Kaoru? An opportunity to cut off this deal with the agency without repercussions, it was nearly a dream come true…

“Oh, we figured you would ask this, Shirasagi-san,” a staff member said, turning to her slowly, “Since you are so popular as an actress, we concluded that you having a soulmate won’t interfere with the reputation of Pastel*Palettes…”

“Furthermore, the group is an idol band, and since it’s a new concept to begin with, we have some leniency with the way it is run…”

“Oh,” Chisato resounded softly. Her heart deflated. She should’ve known better. It was the entertainment industry after all—breaking rules to sell a point was its specialty. “I understand. Both the soulmate situation, and that we won’t play instruments.”

“But…” the pink-haired girl (Aya?) began, “Faking in front of an audience like that…”

“I believe that as idols, we need to focus on our appeal to the audience rather than musicianship,” Chisato answered. She wasn’t fully aware of the situation since she had spaced out again earlier, but as far as she was concerned, it was just a part of the logistics of being an idol.

Stiffly, she stood up. Somehow, despite her age, she felt jaded. This world her parents had worked so hard to create for her… at this point, she only felt disconnected from it. There was no passion in joining this band—only obligation and fulfillment.

“With that being said… if this will conclude our meeting, I have an appointment to make…” Chisato muttered as she headed towards the door.

“Ah! One more thing, Shirasagi-san!” the staff member called out to her, and with a hand on the door, she turned to listen.

“Good drumming is hard to fake, so until we can find a suitable drummer who can truly play, we’ll have a studio musician play for you instead. Yamato-san, please come out!”

A door on the other side of the room opened. A tall girl with sandy brown hair and muted green eyes came out.

“Hello everyone, I’m M…Maya Yamato. It’s nice to meet you.”

It was only 2 seconds. As far as the others in the room were concerned, it was a negligible two seconds, a simple stumble over her introduction, a mistake of nervousness on Maya’s part.

Chisato’s heart slowed as she felt it. Like a match, a burning sensation took over her wrist. _It’s not supposed to feel like this!_ Inside her head, she panicked.

It was painful. The burning shot up her wrist, resounding in crashing waves throughout her body. It wasn’t the light tingling and butterflies they lectured about in school. But there was no mistaking the sensation. The sudden paleness in Maya’s face only told her that their new drummer had experienced the same.

Without waiting for Maya to finish her introduction, she excused herself and walked out the room, hot, painful waves pulsing through her body, matching the panicked pace of her heartbeat.

She had another appointment in thirty minutes, but she didn’t care. The moment she exited the building, she started running. Her legs singed with feverish pain. She held her wrist tenderly, refusing to look as her eyes brimmed with the tears.

It was too soon. Chisato wasn’t ready for her career to end, and she didn’t think she could bear the guilt of being the downfall of Kaoru’s future as well. Her parents had _just_ started being proud of her accomplishments.

 _All this work… All these years of pleasing my parents…_ As far as she was concerned it had fallen apart before her eyes. That girl would tell someone that Chisato was her real soulmate. She’d be forced to affirm that fact, kicked from the agency, ridiculed by the public, shunned by her family and friends…

She nearly slammed into the door because she was running so fast. She pounded with both her fists, not caring who she’d disturb by barging in like this.

Fluffy blue hair registered vaguely in her peripheral vision when the door opened. Chisato dashed past her, running through the house, choking back her tears.

“Ch-Chisato-chan…?” Kanon called as she tried to follow her friend through her own house.

Chisato dove into the pile of marine-themed plushies on the floor of Kanon’s room. The light-hearted and adorable atmosphere of the room didn’t fit her mood at all, but to her, it was better than being home in those moment.

She gripped her wrist so hard that both hands turned white and pale. Her eyes were shut so tightly that it hurt when they opened.

Kanon stood above her, watery eyes staring at her wrist. “Chisato-chan… did you—”

“Yes,” Chisato answered quickly, not wanting to let her say the words.

“Who is it?”

Kanon sat next to Chisato, tightly squeezing her shoulder.

With a painful sob, Chisato uncovered her wrist to read the name she didn’t even hear in her panic.

In thin, dark brown letters, there it read:

MAYA YAMATO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Initially this was intended to be 4 chapters, but there's a lot more I'm interested to write, so we'll see about the length!
> 
> talk to me!   
> cc: kasuari  
> twitter: @aquuwa


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chisato attends a practice with Pastel*Palettes, but the burden of her soulmate situation is beginning to weigh down on her.

When things went wrong, Chisato always had her tea.

Each box lined up neatly on her own cabinet in the kitchen. Whenever she bought a new brand, she’d tuck the box in line with all the others, take a picture, and post it to her Instagram. It was one of few things she didn’t need approval to post.

Loose-leaf, bagged, grinded, whole-leaf…

Blueberry, acai, mint, chamomile…

Slowly, her eyes swept the shelf, resting on each colorfully labeled box until she settled on one.

She held the box gently in her hand. It was a strong tea, so she could smell it without even opening the box. Lemon, with hints of ginger. Chisato knew it’d taste delicious if she made it warm and added honey.

“Tea again?” A sharp voice chided from behind her. Chisato’s fingers weakened around the box, and instinctively, she slumped forward, cowering in the presence of that voice…

“Isn’t this like the fifth time this morning?” her mother said, moving next to her. She plucked the box from her daughter’s fingers, turning it over in her hands. Her mother examined it like a diamond, scrutinizing it for some quality that Chisato couldn’t guess.

“What can I say, I like tea…” Chisato murmured in response. 

Her mother scoffed, and dropped the box back in Chisato’s open, waiting palms. “Yeah, well, don’t let this love for tea make you late to work. You already missed a bunch of appointments when you went to Kanon’s house the other day.”

Her mother turned on her heel and began to walk out the kitchen. When Chisato turned to face her, she opened her mouth to say something, but found that she couldn’t make a sound. Perhaps she had nothing to say, after all.

“Oh, and speak up when you talk. You’re an actress sweetie. Mumbles don’t get roles.”

Chisato stood in the kitchen, thinking, for five lonely minutes. At last, she tucked the box back in the cabinet. Suddenly, she couldn’t imagine its taste anymore.

* * *

 

The wind was heavy and warm as Chisato got off the train. It was late afternoon already, and heading into evening, but she still had to go to the agency.

The band had started practice the day after they met each other, but she hadn’t attended a single practice—and even today, she’d be showing up late again, to apologize and receive a briefing on the events of that day’s practice.

She didn’t really see the need for them to practice together to begin with. After all, Aya could learn dances on her own, right? And as for the rest of them, they just needed to practice their finger positions to look vaguely accurate. The only thing that really need practice was their idol skills and qualities—interacting with the audience and executing the perfect talk segment. That was the key to a perfect first live.

For a moment, Chisato stopped walking. She _knew_ how ridiculous she sounded. Even if the if the music was all faked, they needed to look in time with each other, and have chemistry on stage.

She began walking briskly again, realizing exactly why she didn’t want to go to practice…

Had she even spoken a word to Maya since that day? Her appearance at Pastel*Palettes’ practice was always so brief, and she never saw the girl around the agency, even if she’s a studio musician there too.

Chisato didn’t want to face her. She didn’t want to face the reality Kaoru had warned her about, the reality that would end her career and everything she worked towards.

At last, she stood at the white agency doors. The wind that was once gently thick and enveloping began to buffet at her, snapping her hair left and right and threatening to whisk her far from its doors. Deep down, maybe she wished it would.

With little joy, she stepped through the doors and checked in with the receptionist.

When she arrived in the practice room, Aya whipped around joyfully, twintails bouncing with a poise of their own.  “Chisato-chan! You made it today!”

“Of course, and I apologize for not being able to make it. I have my appointments as always, but I assure you I’m practicing at home and will be prepared for our first rehearsal,”

With a grin wide as always, Hina began talking at her too. “Chisato-chan, Chisato-chan~! You missed some of Aya’s funniest flubs today~! You see, she thought she had _finally_ nailed one of the moves when she—”

“Ahhh!” Aya interrupted, “We don’t need to talk about that again!”

Chisato giggled. Everyone seemed lively, which was good for the four of them, but…

She felt the floor drop from beneath her, stomach tightening as another flood of thoughts hit her.

Despite being three feet apart, she felt so emotionally distant from the four girls. Even if she joined in on their daily practices, could she feel like a part of them? Could she even stand on the same stage without feeling so empty, knowing she held such a heavy secret?

Chisato knew she needed to talk to Maya. But what could she even say? Was there anything to say? Maybe Maya had accepted they couldn’t be soulmates already. After all, it had been at least three days, and Chisato still had her whole career, and everyone still thought her soulmate was Kaoru.

She hesitated about it for a moment, but finally, she dared to glance at Maya. Messy brown hair, glasses, some strange gray band shirt… Maya tried to meet her gaze, but before Chisato could be locked in, she looked away again.

“U-um, so why don’t we play a song for Chisato?” Maya suggested, “She can join in if she wants, or just watch… Since we have about five minutes of practice time left…”

“What a nice idea, Maya-san! I’ll get Chisato’s bass,” and Eve took off and returned with Chisato’s pastel bass in hand.

Instrument in hand, her world swept back into view. Their voices returned to normal, and with the floor firm beneath her feet, she began to play.

They didn’t have their own song yet, so together they played a cover that they had been practicing with for the past few days. The only real instrument playing was from Maya, but it was already clear how much thought the others had put into the performance and interacting with each other on stage.

After they played together, Chisato felt something weird and nameless. Her fingertips burned and her shoulders tingled. She felt a cloud of something in her chest, but then she smiled, and it all dissipated, leaving a feeling that was warm and fluid.

“Oooh, that was just… incredible…! Wasn’t it like, you know, groovy? Boppin’? Bouncy?!” Hina ran around to high-five each member.

“It really was!” Eve agreed, “I think I really felt like I’m in a band, like an idol…”                                                                

“Mhm!” Hina continued from Eve, “in fact, that’s probably the happiest I’ve ever seen Chisato when with us!”

Their words sat with Chisato as they all began to cleanup. Did she really look happy? Was that what she felt when the song ended?

She looked over at Maya while her back was turned. Her chest immediately tightened.

They’ll get someone other than Maya, right? Then she can show up to practice regularly, and she won’t have to see her or speak to her ever again.

_You’re a coward, Chisato,_ she admitted to herself.

In the locker room, Aya, Hina, and Eve chatted with each other, squealing and giggling in their classic fashion.

Their voices rang like school bells in Chisato’s ears, clanging, stinging, as if to signalize the end of something. Strong and heavy, their laughter tolled in her head, reminding her of what she could never have with this band.

The ringing remained, persistent like a bad case of tinnitus, even after the sound of their footsteps carried them out the locker room. Eventually, her world cooled to soundlessness. Nothing but the sound of her own breathing, quick and layered, deep and guttural sounds that matched the pace of her thoughts down to each sharp inhale.

_Seconds beating, heart pounding, view closing…_ Chisato leaned forward, steadying herself on the cold, metal wall of lockers before her. If she fainted here, when would she be found? Her consciousness began to sway, sweeping in and out as her own panic set in…

“Chisato-san?”

Like braking in a car, everything snapped close to her. She inhaled deeply, and turned to the voice to her left.

Maya. Her tall figure seemed to taunt Chisato in her moment of weakness.

With little strength, she raised her hand, and hoarsely whispered: “Stop.”

“Ah, I just—” Maya began, but before she could even fully work herself into the sentence, Chisato cut in.

“I don’t care whose name is on your wrist. I don’t care whose is on mine, either,” Chisato began, words rolling out slowly.

“As far as we’re both concerned, Kaoru is my soulmate. And that’s how it’s going to be,” her words moved quicker now.

“Do you think I want this?” she shouted at last, “To walk in and have my whole life burn in front of me, starting at the wrist? Because of you? Because the stupid agents I never wanted decided I should be an idol?”

She turned away sharply, chest heaving as her heart pounded with another force to make her weak.

“A-and then…” Chisato muttered, clutching her arms, “You stand in front of me, and make me look at you as if I have any choice in the matter…”

She looked at Maya again, taking in her facial expression. Maya’s face was still, eyes glassy and dark. She looked Chisato directly in the face, staring until suddenly, her stony face shattered. It was almost like glass, the way her face crumbled, scrunching in like there was a sharp pain in the center.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” Maya wailed, her voice broken and coming in pieces. Her head fell forward, shoulders hiking to her ears as she repeated herself, again and again, bangs shaking, then arms shaking, and soon her whole body.

Maya’s glasses fell to the floor with a cold clatter, and just like that, Chisato had left before she could see the tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long update time b/w chapter 1 and 2! hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> come yell at me for making band girls cry:  
> cc: kasuari  
> twitter: @aquuwa


End file.
